Happy Self-Love Day! Celebrate Love and Health with Ideas for Self-Care
(Originally published on Medium.com)
What does February make you think of? Date night, candy hearts and chocolate? Flowers and fancy dinners?
Or, on the contrary, heartbreak and loneliness?
What about self-care, health and wellness?
February 13th is National Self-Love Day. Don’t worry…I didn’t know about it either!
But, yes, there really is a National Self-Love Day. Falling just before the vastly more popular and Hallmark-approved Valentine’s Day, Self-Love Day comes at a time when most people are either getting ready to display their devotion to a significant other, languishing a lost love or lamenting the very existence of such an agonizingly zealous reminder that they are not currently part of a couple (or throuple, if that’s your bag — no judgment.)
And after the 14th has come and gone, those who aren’t madly in love are often feeling lonelier, perhaps disappointed by what happened (or didn’t happen) with the object of their affection. For which the fix is…what? Self-love, of course.
So, really, Self-Love Day could not come at a better time. It may sound strange or self-indulgent (or even a tad dirty) but the truth is, even when not disappointed by a partner on V-Day, we could all stand to give ourselves some more of the affection we tend to show other people.
According to Melissa O’Neill, LCSW, director of clinical operations at Timberline Knolls, a residential treatment center for women:
“We often talk about how to ‘win over another’s love’ or to ‘find love’ when it comes to relationships with one another… Yet, we rarely talk about what it means to develop a loving relationship with oneself. Often this has many of the same components and barriers as cultivating meaningful relationships with others.”
The idea of body positivity isn’t new. But sadly, to a lot of us, actually showing love to ourselves is.
We can treat ourselves like cellmates, companions we’ve been saddled with despite our desire to be with someone else, be someone else. We have low self-esteem and a multitude of self-limiting beliefs leftover from childhood that shape our entire lives, keep us stuck and prohibit us from really connecting to ourselves in healthy ways.
We use negative, critical self-talk. And we skip taking care of ourselves in lieu of caring for others.
But it’s time to take a stand. It’s time to change the channel on this culture-wide, intergenerational pattern of self-abuse and self-neglect.
Self-Love = Self-Care = Wellness
Self-love, in many ways, equates to self-care. According to PsychCentral.com, “Self-care is any activity that we do deliberately in order to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health.” And you do those kinds of activities for people you care about. So, by definition, caring for yourself is an act of love.
In our productivity-obsessed culture, we’ve come to prioritize work and achievement above all else, including our health and happiness. We equate tangible, external and financial success to happiness. And even if we manage to achieve our worldly, external desires, we often are still left feeling unfulfilled and disconnected from ourselves.
As a population, we’re increasingly stressed out, burned out and unwell, too busy and focused outward to engage in healthy relationships with ourselves.
Even for those who prioritize annual checkups with a trusted healthcare provider, regular self-care — and, therefore, self-love — is often a foreign concept. Take the simple and necessary task of getting a good night’s sleep, for example. According to the CDC, 1 in 3 adults does not get enough sleep, making a third of the U.S. population chronically sleep-deprived and at risk for serious health conditions such as weakened immunity, high blood pressure, diabetes, and depression.
For many of us, sleep is optional and self-care consists of a bath or shower and a shave…and that’s it. And do we do these things lovingly and intentionally? Or do we, even when supposedly pampering ourselves, perform these tasks the way we do so many others: haphazardly and mindlessly? I would argue, usually, it’s the latter.
Meanwhile, mental illness is on the rise across the United States. According to Mental Health America’s 2021 report, there was a 93% increase in the number of adults seeking help for anxiety between January and September of 2020 and a 62% increase in adults seeking help for depression. And, of those adults who sought help and took MHA’s screening, a whopping 74% scored “moderate to severe” for the condition for which they were screened.
Lockdowns over the past year have exacerbated an already growing epidemic of mental health issues. An already ailing population has become even more unwell. And that does not equate to a culture of individuals in healthy relationships with themselves (or with one another!)
Vibrant health and wellness start with self-care. In fact, I believe radical self-care might be the answer to almost everything that ails us because it lays the foundation for a long and healthy life. But I’ll save my hot take for later.
For now let’s ask the obvious: if self-care = self-love, and that’s not the same thing as cleaning your body and going to the doctor, what are we even talking about here? Are we talking bubble baths and pedicures? Well, sure — that could be a start; but we’re going deeper.
Self-care, to me, means engaging in behaviors and lifestyle practices that nourish, soothe and rejuvenate. It means holistically nurturing your body, mind and spirit. And, to borrow the words of Lauren Geertsen, body connection coach and author of the incredible book, The Invisible Corset, self-care is “the rebellious act of uncovering our true selves” and “creating a life that takes care of you, where you can relax into and celebrate your authentic self.”
True self-care is more than cleaning your body and taking your vitamins. It’s feeding your body nutritious foods that fuel and replenish, moving intentionally in ways that strengthen, stretch and rebuild, and utilizing psychological, spiritual and energetic practices that comfort, heal and transform…and engaging in these practices while treating yourself not like a child who needs to do their chores but like a beloved friend. Now that is self-love!
Ideas for Self-Care on National Self-Love Day
While self-care is a daily, 365-days-a-year kind of thing, showing yourself some extra love on National Self-Love Day is a fantastic place to start. Whether you’re well-versed in caring for your body, mind and spirit or just starting to make time for yourself, these ideas for self-care can help steer you in the direction of radical and complete self-love and self-acceptance.
Because we’re talking holistic, radical self-love, you won’t find the typical “bake your favorite treat” idea on this list. Of course, that’s an option — but I’ll tell you why I wouldn’t recommend eating typical sweets as part of a self-love ritual later on.
These tips for self-care can help you improve your relationship with truly the most important person in your life: YOU.
1. Pamper your body; soothe your soul.
The most basic level of self-care is cleansing and nourishing your body. So do run a hot bath and make it a ritual. Use a dry brush to exfoliate and encourage circulation, listen to your favorite playlist or calming music while you soak, use a hair and/or face mask. But also do some extra fluid, yummy yoga or try Qi Gong; sleep in or take an afternoon nap, and put your bare feet on the grass.
Whatever it is that you enjoy doing to pamper your body, do it under the premise of knowing that you deserve to relax and recharge…and that it’s benefitting more than just your skin and/or figure.
Then cook yourself a yummy, nutritious meal and eat it mindfully. A lot of lists of ideas for self-care suggest eating your favorite treat. But sugar and gluten can cause inflammation, which can cause a plethora of chronic health conditions, including anxiety and depression — none of which are loving gifts to give yourself.
Loving self-care nourishes and supports you. So make a healthier version of your favorite treat. You can find a plethora of inflammation-fighting paleo dessert recipes using Google. Or make this easy paleo fudge recipe. By making some simple substitutions, you can indulge while still showing your body love and care.
2. Practice self-compassion.
Self-compassion truly is a practice, and no one’s expecting you to change your thinking patterns in 24 hours. Especially if you’re one of those people who can be really hard on yourself (I get it; I am, too.) We’re talking baby steps.
Can you start to practice being gentle with yourself today? Can you try to be a little more understanding and loving with yourself? Try to catch yourself when you go to that place of “I should know better” or “I should never have done XYZ.” Tell yourself you’re doing your best, and that’s all anyone can do.
If you can’t seem to catch yourself doing this and you’re really giving yourself a beating, take a few long, deep breaths and remind yourself you’re doing your best, which is good enough. Or try a loving-kindness meditation. Loving-kindness meditation helps you generate — you guessed it — love and kindness for yourself and others.
3. Tend to and really feel your feelings.
This might sound weird, especially because it’s almost ingrained in our culture that the path to healing and happiness involves focusing on the positive. But there are negative implications to repressing emotions. And, over the short term, pushing away unwanted emotions can serve to make the emotions stronger.
When we repress our sadness or anger, we’re telling the figurative child inside us that it’s not okay to feel that way. And by telling our inner child it’s not okay to feel sad or angry, we’re essentially putting a muzzle on her, throwing her in the corner for a timeout and saying her feelings don’t matter. Over time, this can lead to serious health complications such as chronic pain and even premature death.
You wouldn’t throw your child in the corner with a muzzle on just for feeling sad (she’d have to do a lot worse to deserve that, right?!) Treat the child inside you the way you’d treat your own child. Comfort her. Soothe her. Take some deep breaths and let the feelings be what they are instead of fighting them. Embrace and feel them fully.
Many times, if you really take this on, you’ll notice intense emotions start to dissipate shortly after you turn toward them instead of away. Journaling can be of great support here. Be gentle and don’t rush this. Remind yourself that this too shall pass and you’re doing great.
4. Try positive afformations.
No, that’s not a typo. Positive affirmations can be a great tool for self-growth but afformations can be even more effective for many people.
To borrow from author Lauren Geertsen again, when we state a positive affirmation, such as, “I am beautiful,” our subconscious mind can block it by countering, “No, I’m not,” or whatever our deeply-ingrained subconscious mind actually believes. And this can actually reinforce the negative belief we’re trying to change.
Instead, Geertsen recommends identifying the underlying emotion of the affirmation — such as confidence — and asking yourself a positive question like, “What if I embody next-level confidence today?”
Or you can simply stick a “why” in front of the affirmation you want to use and ask, “Why am I so beautiful?” Posing the statement as a question prompts your subconscious mind to look for evidence to support the statement rather than blocking it with a negative affirmation.
5. Start taking baby steps toward your health goals
You may not be able to lose weight, lower your blood pressure, or improve your PCOS in one day but if you have a big health goal, what better time to get started on it than now? Holistic home health care is the ultimate self-love. Give yourself the gift of feeling accomplished for working to achieve your goals.
Aiming to improve your diet? Do some shopping and healthy meal prep for the week ahead. Been meaning to develop a daily meditation practice? Download the Insight Timer app and get started for free today.
Every time you complete a small goal you’ve set for yourself, your brain releases dopamine, a feel-good chemical that makes you more likely to repeat the action. This makes you feel more like the person you want to be, encouraging you to continue being that person.
Remember: self-love is holistic self-care. But you don’t have to be perfect. What is one tiny action you can take today that will improve your health? No matter how small, every baby step propels you forward.
Self-love=self-care.
Fall in love with you…it just might change your life.
Self-care is near and dear to my heart because, over the past few years, some extremely simple, seemingly small practices have completely and utterly changed my life. I was diagnosed with clinical depression at a young age, then with generalized anxiety disorder and PTSD. Fear, fatigue and hopelessness ruled my life.
Then I learned that my brain was not broken. I removed processed foods from my diet, developed a daily meditation practice and started learning to process my feelings, and it literally changed me as a person. My symptoms lifted and I found a new sense of purpose and vitality.
I share this because I firmly believe that, if I can create dramatic shifts in my own life, heal my body and change my mind, YOU can, too.
Big changes don’t happen overnight. They take time and dedication. You don’t have to dive in headfirst or be perfect at anything today. Start with one tiny baby step. Then, when you’re ready, you can take another baby step. And then another.
So, this February 13th, do more than prepare for your Valentine’s Day date or pull up photos on your ex’s Instagram, imagining the stinging remarks you wish you had the courage to write. Do something to connect with and care for yourself, and lay the foundation for a more loving relationship with yourself in the future.
It’s not clear who invented National Self-Love Day — or even if it’s actually National Self-Love Day or International Day of Self-Love.
Christine Arylo, founder of the Path of Self Love School, claims to be the founder of the International Day of Self-Love, and she wisely states that our culture puts “so much focus and pressure on getting love from others, when the most important relationship in our lives is the one with ourselves — it’s where everything starts. If you don’t love yourself, you end up creating all kinds of self-sabotaging situations for yourself — toxic or unhappy relationships, being extremely hard on yourself, dishonoring your body, working yourself into exhaustion, giving up on your dreams, putting yourself last, and more.”
Meanwhile, Danni Desgravier, CEO of I’m Proud of You Sis was named the founder of National Self-Love Day in a Yahoo! article announcing that Governor Cuomo and New York State proclaimed the holiday to be official, nationwide, in 2020 with a focus on mental health. According to Danni, “People are busy with busy lives. People forget to take a moment to ‘love’ themselves. Self-esteem is so important for everyone and it begins with ‘YOU.”
Regardless of who invented this holiday — or what it’s technically called — self-love is desperately needed in this country and across the world, more than ever before. So, I hope you’ll celebrate by giving yourself some love.
To a healthier, happier and more amazing relationship with YOU!